Breathe

​Normally when I wash up of a morning, I have music playing.  A lot of it I have not heard before.  I always check to see who sings it.  If I really like it, I put it on my Spotify play list.  This morning started with a song that seemed so appropriate.  It was Breathe by Michael W Smith.  I have loved that song a long time and had it on repeat today and it was all I heard.
It seemed appropriate for a number of reasons.  I can have trouble breathing and some of it is self-inflicted.  But it also goes with the stroke territory.  It has been the case since I had it.
Merril knows and I am really thankful she puts up with me.  I cough and splutter for seemingly no reason.  When I get up of a morning, I need to be upright.  As the day progresses the need to be that way diminishes but it is always the case that any activity has me breathing harder than I should.
For the first time ever, I had a trouble breathing episode while I was driving the car.  I was very thankful I was on a quiet road and could pull over until it past.  These episodes always do pass, but gasping for breath is not a good look.
The song was also appropriate because of Covid. (Merril and I had our second shot recently).  One of the major symptoms seems to be a trouble breathing.  It is why ventilators are in such high demand.  A mate of mines brother died of Covid, and the son was on a ventilator (he recovered).
It is funny how the stroke has made me more aware of what matters.  For sure I am looking forward to the day when some of the things I experience now are a thing of the past but right now it is not that way.  I took so much for granted but I definitely now have a new appreciation for balance and breathing.  I am thankful for the way it was. It took something like this for me to know that what I have can be gone in an instant.  I went under one way (dealing with the tumour) and came out another.
Breathing matter to everyone for obvious reasons.  Stop breathing and a person is close to death.  Stop for too long and brain damage is guaranteed.
I do tend to look for up sides in things.  I feel I am more sensitive to where breath come from.  Sounds weird but sometimes I know something else is going on.  Bit like crying.  They say big boys don’t cry well that is just not true.  I saw Luke Longley shed tears in Australian story the other night.  Mostly tears are due to my own grief but sometimes something else is going on.  Either way they are healthy and bring release.
I was glad the song breathe played this morning.  It brought into focus things that matter to me.