Break Out

I received the James Clear email this morning.  There were a number of things I read that stood out to me.  There is a good chance I will talk about a number of them down the track.
But the one that meant most to me today was, “it's nice to have a little help, but we often resent when someone else tries to do it all for us. Each individual wants to make their own dreams a reality. If someone hands you the whole thing on a silver platter, they gift you the result, but rob you of the accomplishment.
Remember this not only when chasing your dreams, but also when supporting others. Help along the way, but let them run their own race. Your job is to live life with them, not live their life for them."
I particularly like, “they gift you the result, but rob you of the accomplishment” and “Your job is to live life with them, not live their life for them.”
I was reminded of animals in an egg (like a bird).  It is understood that really the worst thing I can do is assist the bird to get out of the egg.  Strength is developed in the breaking of the egg.  My intervention may cause the bird to be weak and it may even die.
It is important I have a hands-off policy.  I may want to help, and I may feel for the bird as it struggles to get out of the shell.  Yet despite how I feel, what it goes through is best for it.  I can assist from afar.  I can give sought after aid if I so feel, but my job is to live with, not for another.
I personally feel that is one of the hardest things to do.  Often I feel I know best what may be best for another.  I try to make it happen.  And in the trying often resentment or estrangement results.  My intentions may be good, but each finds their own way and in the process receives the strength they need.
I can help from afar.  I can be ready to aid at a moment’s notice.  But it is never my job to do something for someone instead of them doing what is needed for themselves.
There is no doubt that seeing another come through something difficult is cause for joy from me.  When I let them do it, it is cause for joy for both of us.  But if I do it for them, I alone appreciate it and the other person can disregard my efforts until done for themselves.