Beat Up

The best definition of a friend I have heard is “a friend is, someone, who when you make a fool of yourself, doesn’t thing you have done a permanent job.”
It is a bit of a theme of mine at the moment, but I am thinking I find it easier to be easier on others than I am of my myself. I treat others as friends, but I am harder on myself. I tend to give others leeway that I do not afford to myself – initially at least.
Often I am ok with others making mistakes as I think “they are only human.” I will say, “we all make mistakes” - but when I make them, I give myself a good biff.
Sometimes it is probably necessary to say “get your act together Kuskie” but at other times it is just necessary to learn and move on. Regularly I come around to the moving on part, but not before I have given myself a hard time.
It made me think of a high jumper. When I was doing it, I had three goes. If I did not jump the height the first two times, I had one to go and if I made it, that changed everything. It was definitely counter-productive to beat myself up for not making it on the first or second go. If I did that, I was less likely to jump it on the third go.
If on the other hand I worked out what I was doing wrong and used failures to make a success the failures, they worked out to be a learning curve for me and in the end a good thing. I have found failure is never pleasant at the time, but it can lead to producing success.
We are up here in storm season. Twice we have made arrangements to go out only to later learn that day was to be a big storm day. If you had asked me, I probably would have denied it, but hindsight has shown me I tend to be more risk averse since the stroke. Also, I drive way less these days and it tends to be Merril that drives. More than ever, I feel my decisions have implications for others and not just myself.
Two times I have made the call to stay home rather then venture out. A look at the size of the hail that has come down in some places, and the tornadoes that have been happening justifies thinking ”it is better to be safe than sorry.”
Although I reckon that is sound advice it has not stopped me beating myself up. I make arrangements because I want to do something. Not doing it means I  do something else. Sometimes that is right. Sometimes it is wrong. When it turns out to be wrong I beat myself up.
I did see a question that asked, “if I punch myself and it hurts, am I too weak or strong?” My response is “quit beating yourself up.” Easier said then done. Thankfully, help is at hand.
I gain nothing by knocking myself out. I would be like a high jumper giving up before the third go. What I learn prepares me for the third go.