Back Against the Wall

It definitely is no fun but sometimes it is for the best.  When I have my back against the wall it is like a no-win situation.
I am reminded of chess.  I have been on the receiving end enough.  I see what is happening.  My opponent is out to check mate me.  It is like it all happens in slow motion and there is nothing I can do about it.  It is inevitable.  Something keeps me from conceding.  I live in the vain hope they may make a mistake and I escape.  But mostly they have thought this through.
One thing though I tend to fight like never before when my back is against the wall.  It is like I have nothing left to lose.  It may all be in vain, but I find I have a greater capacity then I ever gave myself credit for.
Still, I do reckon that having my back against the wall is often good for me.  For the reason listed above and also realizing my own inadequacy is the ideal place to be in really.  That can seem like a totally weird way to feel, yet so often my greatest problem is my perceived strengths.
There is no doubt in my mind that to feel confidence in achieving a task is a good thing.  Yet I do not believe it is ever a good thing to feel that way never having felt a sense of inadequacy or need.
Some boast about being in the same job for 20 years.  The question I ask is it twenty years of one year or 20 years of growing and changing.  Confidence in a task in a familiar place is  confidence in a small place.  I was in the same position for more than 20 years, but I really enjoyed it.  Why I found it stimulating is it changed every few years.  I needed to change with it or be left behind.  Be put on the shelf.   I know if the job had not been changing, I would have gotten itchy feet.  I may be slow but I still need to be moving to be slow.
Change may be inevitable, but so is inadequacy.  It is what I do with the inadequacy that determines my direction.  If I remain self-confident at all times, I have conquered the task, but I will never conquer myself.
Conquering something is bringing it into submission to something greater.  I find it true that my greatest enemy is myself.  I am all for confidence in doing a task, but I am not all for confidence built only on self.  For me, that yields only temporary benefits.