Avoidance

It is interesting to me how sometimes the seed of a thought captures my attention.  I know I have not explored all of its ramifications, but I have experienced enough for me to want to explore it further.
It happened this morning.  I cannot deny it, things have changed since the stroke.  For example I used to love to go into the surf and fish.  I could not believe how unstable all seemed the last time I went into the surf.  Yet I know that is not the end of the world.  For me it is about adapting and changing my ways to still enjoy surf fishing.  It was an adaption I experienced this morning.
Since the stroke I have experienced what the literature talks about.  Thoughts I would rather not have.  Thoughts that cause me anxiety.
I have done it in other ways but not in regard to these things.  Today I did it and it worked – with help.
I am big on, “what I concentrate on grows larger.”  When I concentrate on a problem, or something I would prefer to avoid, it grows bigger and harder to deal with.  It is like saying, “I must not make a mistake, I must not make a mistake.”  When I do that I am more likely to make a mistake.  So what I did this morning was, rather than concentrate on what I wanted to avoid, I concentrated on what I wanted.  I replaced what I do not want with what I do want.
I must admit I found that much more liberating.  I do enjoy thinking about the possibilities rather than the problems.
I will never pretend the problems do not exist, but I know I am better off exploring answers rather than dwelling on the problems.  For me the only way to find answers is to look for answers. 
I tend to know the problems well enough.  Answers may be harder to find but I know I grow stronger as a person as I learn to bare a load rather than try to avoid the unavoidable.