A Beat Up

I had planned stuff to do yesterday.  But I did very little of it.  Instead I veged.  I slept, I watched tele, I stared meaningfully into the middle distance.
It seems weird to me but sometimes I beat myself up for resting.  Sometimes the resting is justified.  I have been busy, and it is time to recharge.  At other times I am just being slack.
No matter the motive the inclination can be the same.  Beating myself up.  Yet unless I learn from the experience, beating myself up is a total waste of time.  I know it is totally worthwhile to look back and examine my motives at the time, but I cannot change the past.
I have a mate who said one good thing about expecting visitors is it tends to lead to tidying the place up in preparation. To me that is true.  I tend to slacken off when I have opportunity to.  If I don’t have that opportunity, then I tend to do what needs to be done.
I am the sort of person that thrives best on challenges that have been set.  I know I can motivate myself, but in my experience that is definitely necessary but harder.
Besides it is better for my mental health to be doing something.  When my mum died, I had time off work.  I was living by myself at the time, and I chose to go back to work early.  I knew that being alone for too long was not good for me.  I needed to be among people and focus my attention on others rather than myself.  Certainly there was a time for grieving but I could feel the change.  It had gone from being necessary and good to toxic.
So I know when I vege if it is a good thing or not.  When it I not the best thing I can do is focus on others rather than myself.